[January] Racism

Who am I?

For some reasons, there had been several situations this month which made me ponder who I am exactly. Have I been hiding behind the facade of a non-judgemental and insightful person because I knew the right ways to how to conduct myself in public eyes when I am actually not congruent to these beliefs?

Several conversations within my personal and professional life had made me questioned if I am indeed racist. If I am indeed having elitism. While I enjoy my work tremendously and genuinely care for my clients who come from all walks of life, particularly those who are somewhat marginalised, I was challenged totally when I had to consider where I want to live at as I am considering purchasing my own property in Singapore. I was shocked with my own words when I eliminated certain neighbourhood because of the perceived complexity regarding crimes.

During one of the clinical skills lesson this month, we also touched on minorities. I was having the discussion with someone from a different ethinicity. What I came to realise was I was extremely careful over what I said in front of this classmate. I wonder why so? Does it matter that her ethnicity is one of the national racial groups in Singapore?

I realised that growing up in Singapore, I had been very well immersed with the importance and need to be racially sensitive; that we do not speak negatively about any particular race to avoid hurting each other. Over time, it seemed to be more of a learnt behaviour that we restrained from discussing about races such that it became difficult for me to be in touch with my own bias for the fear of being labelled racist. Thus, when repeated situations arose recently regarding my own views about races, I actually was caught off guarded when I found myself having bias against certain groups. Not that I will actively discriminate against them, but I had associated certain behaviours such as crime rates with certain racial groups. I did feel my stomach turned the first time I had to this realisation. In fact, I had actively dismissed it when my partner raised it up to me.

Having the time to sit and think, I think the experiences have been helpful. While I will not say that I had totally dismissed my association of certain behaviours with certain racial groups back home, I am definitely very mindful of this thought and conscientiously making sure that I continue to work on it. In fact, I am challenging myself to conduct my second assignment with an acquaintance who comes from a highly discussed religious (and prejudiced) group internationally to explore my relationship with the social graces.